Everyone I know is getting the fourth of July off, which is a great idea because:
1. No one gets drunk on the fourth of July, so going back to work on Thursday will be a breeze.
2. No one stays up late to watch fireworks on the fourth of July, so going back to work on Thursday will be a breeze.
3. No one stuffs their face with an inordinate amount of indecipherable meat products on the fourth of July, so rolling out of bed to go back to work on Thursday will be a breeze.
Why, oh why, is the fourth of July on a Wednesday? Why can’t we celebrate it like Thanksgiving or other inane holidays in a day dependent way, rather than a date dependent one?
Because it is what it is, I’m bringing you some fun and/or funny fourth of July stuff from around the web. Note: not too funny; I assume you’ll be drunk enough by nine am to find basically whatever I put up here hilarious. See point 1, and happy fourth!
How to make your own fireworks and give your stuffed kitten the most exciting day of its life.
If you’re in NYC, here are the best fourth of July drinking spots. If you’re anywhere else, just go outside. When you have unpeed on grass readily available, you’re already a winner.
And finally, I implore you to watch this public service announcement from hipsters, so you can stay safe this fourth: