Friday’s Ask the Psychologist tackled an issue that my friends and I often think about: how much is too much booze.  My dad’s response tackled a lot of elements, but I think R. makes a really interesting point – “Everything as an adult revolves around drinking, and I don’t want to miss out on social situations.”

I’ve often felt this to be true in my adult life.  Even the activities where drinking isn’t a focus tend to take place at a bar or have drinking in the background:  game night, pub trivia, playing pool or pinball.  So I put it to you:  how do you have fun and be social without drinking?

Image via Favim.

We went to Wilmington to visit out long lost college friends.  Nikki and Chris are both writers (she’s in a MFA program now; he starts in the fall) and they live in an area one would imagine stories to be inspired by.  The houses are old (plaques – which are EVERYWHERE – spoke of the Revolutionary War), there’s a river walk for soulful thinking, plenty of bars for soulful drinking, and a mass of mosquitos to remind you, should you ever want to go outdoors, that you should be inside, writing.

Wilmington is also considered the “Hollywood of the South” (something only people who aren’t from California can say with a straight face).  In the spirit of this, we went off to the lake where the pivotal scene of The Notebook was filmed.  We rented paddleboats and made the boys paddle us through the maze of thin green trees that broke up and through the water.

Unfortunately, we realized this was not, in fact, the lake from The Notebook.  In one of the moments in which I curse technology, some quick smart phone Googling revealed that lake was in South Carolina.  However, our spirits were quickly redeemed upon learning that our lake had alligators.  Spying one in the distance, Nikki and I cracked our whips and bid the boys, “Paddle faster!”

Unfortunately, we realized this was not, in fact, an alligator.  While sticks and stones may delude us, we still had a lovely time.  After the lake, we went home and took eleven showers (we were at about 115 degrees at this point, and watching Chris and Zack paddle was hard work).  We dressed up in our snazziest apparel and went to the finest Southern restaurant in town.

Rx used to be a drug store, and is now filled with stuff like skillet fried chicken with sage gravy…

….and blueberry cobbler with coconut pecan ice cream.

This was, of course, in lieu of the pharmaceuticals.  It was a toss up as to which was better, but I’m fairly sure the cobbler had mood altering effects.

To cap off the evening, we played Sex Bingo at The Cellar.  I can’t tell you what went on in there – the first rule of Sex Bingo is that you don’t talk about Sex Bingo.  However, I can say…

In a sentiment that proves to be emblematic of our time in Wilmington:  the good times, they were had.

Hey, Bob.  What are you doing with that cigar there?

Sigh.  Do I need to quote Freud again?

But is a cigar really just a cigar?

Well, technically it’s a tightly rolled bundle of dried, fermented tobacco.  

What would Freud have to say about that?

I don’t know.  Probably something having to do with your father.  

Before this conversation delves any deeper (say, into the anal twos or, God forbid, what in the world is happening to my face there), we shall commence with…Ask the Psychologist!

A couple of months ago, Zack and I were in Ecuador visiting my friend Hannah.  Because Hannah is a far, far better person than me, she’s dedicated the last two years of her life to Peace Corps.  Fun thing I learned about Peace Corps – they don’t let you pick what country you’re going to.  Can you imagine, signing up and not knowing if you’re going to Vietnam or Ethiopia or Kazakhstan?  But that’s another post.

That’s Zack and me with Hannah in a monkey reserve. She’s the cute one on the right who looks like she’s been cuddling monkeys.

I met Hannah when we were both doing creative writing workshops at Berkeley.  As pretentious college students, we spent a lot of time talking about writing, a tradition we continued in Ecuador.  I mentioned that, while I thought writing was a noble profession, I wasn’t sure quite why I had that impression.  I mean, it wasn’t like I was living with no hot shower in South America, trying to save the world.  But then Hannah said:

“I think writing, more than anything else, expands people’s capacity for empathy.  There’s no other situation where you’re that deeply in another person’s head – you’ll know more about what a character in a story is thinking or why they’re acting somehow than someone you’ve lived with for years.  And I think empathy is the thing that creates social change.  Without being able to picture how else life can be, how can you change it?”

This is, of course, a paraphrase, and an ineloquent one at that.  Hopefully when she returns to the land of laptops, she’ll stop by and share her exact thoughts.  The point is, her answer blew me away.  It was so different than how I conceptualized writing, yet rung so true.  It made me wonder how other people – writers and readers alike – viewed writing, so I began asking.  The question is different than the reason people write, which I find kind of annoying (both the question and the typical answers, which are often things that don’t really say anything, like: “Because it is simply something I must do”).   This is about the purpose of writing.  The answers I got were fantastic, so I’ve decided to share them here on the blog.  If you’d like to share your view on the point of writing (look, Dad, it’s a pun!), please shoot me an e-mail – I’d love to hear.

For now, I’d like to introduce Ben Miller.  Ben’s a good friend and a great writer.  He was a columnist at the Yale Daily News, and now writes an incredibly thought provoking blog.  His response is below.  Enjoy!

Every week, my dad’ll be popping by our lil’ couch here and offering free mini therapy sessions.  You don’t see a couch?  This couch, right here?  See – this is why you need therapy!  In case you forgot how awesome he was, here’s all his boring credentials: he has a Ph.D. in clinical psychology, and master’s degree in school psychology and clinical psychopharmacology.  To combat all that fanciness, I’ll be posting silly pictures of him here to go along with his feature.

Alright, here we go!  If you’d like to have your question answered by mi padre, leave it in the comments or email liz@thingsthatmakeus.com.  And, as always, let us know if you agree or disagree in the comments!

Dear Dr. Bob,

I have a good friend who has liked a certain girl for a few months now.  I’m fairly certain she doesn’t have feelings for him and recently the chemistry between her and me has grown.  How can I approach this situation so that my friend feels respected and any chance between her and I is realized?

-Geoff